The Dead Badger Song

My friend Steph thought it would be impossible to write a song about a dead badger. I’m not fond of the word ‘impossible’ when applied to song and poems. So Steph, this one’s for you.

The Dead Badger Band played exclusively rock
There was Stripey and Digger and of course there was Brock
Their amps were the biggest that money could get
So large that they didn’t quite fit in the sett !

Stripey played keyboards and Digger he drummed
While Brock played guitar as he sang and he hummed
They were called The Dead Badger Band (so Stripey said)
because they were Badgers and because they were dead

The Doctor had given them his diagnosis
“You’ve all got a bad case of tuberculosis”
Now a badger’s a sturdy and healthy wee beast
But a dose of TB makes him quickly deceased

So our heroes decided they just wouldn’t cop it
They’d stay here as ghosts and they’d rock till they drop it
Being undead would give them more time to rehearse
And they’d drive to their gigs in a second hand hearse

So now every night of the week they play mostly
Ethereal music that’s heavy but ghostly
They’ll go up to heaven, but not til the Lord
Says they can rock – not play harp- they’d be bored.

Father Christmas Lives in a Hole

For Olivia (Crawford) whose information this was

Father Christmas lives in a hole
But he isn’t a badger, he isn’t a mole
He lives underground in his Christmassy lair
But I don’t think that Rudolph the Reindeer lives there
No Rudy’s upstairs where reindeer food grows –
That’s where you will find that famous red nose

While under the tundra with present filled shelves
Lives Old Father Christmas with all of his elves
Along with his dog (who’s an old Pomeranian)
They all live together, their home’s subterranean

Their factory’s there too where they wrap all the gifts
which are brought to the surface in two giant lifts
and packed on the sleigh which is ever so large
and is kept in a carefully locked up garage
which only gets opened on one day each year
only on Christmas Eve so the sleigh can come here.

Except on the twenty fourth day of December
The one day a year that he has to remember
Father Christmas is happy to stay underground
His motto on the wall of his grotto is found
“With all, share your happiness, that is your role !
“Lots of Love, Father Christmas, from his home, The North Hole.”