I want pickled garlic for breakfast

Inspired (as ever) by the lovely Olivia whose thought this was,
and her mum Eleanor who told us about it …

I want pickled garlic for breakfast
I’ve made it quite clear to my Mum
That she has to get it off Daddy
And I get to eat Allium

My brother has ate all my glitter
My Daddy is hoarding his food
Now Charlie’s a sparklier shitter
And Mum says I’m not to be crude

I said “I just want pickled garlic
Come on Mum it can’t be that hard”
But she went and sided with Daddy
I tried grabbing the jar but was barred

My parents are terribly liberal
Politically they’re both right on
When it comes to my rights over brekkie
I’m telling you though it’s a con

My Mum says I can’t steal the garlic
She’d find out that I had with her nose
It’s olfactory my dear Watson
In the Case of the Lost Stinking Rose

I want pickled garlic for breakfast
I know it sounds bourgeois to say
It’s lack of the pickle that ails me
As I eat my petit dejeuner

Richard and The French Cow Crisis

An emergency happened one morning
And nobody seems to know how
A garden which should have been empty
Was suddenly filled up with cow
The cows were all eating the flowers
Bovine Petit Dejeuner
They must have been in there for hours
How they got there no-one could say
We sent for our own master herder
Who herded up all of the boys
(Well really he just screamed blue murder
and woke them up with all the noise)
Their present for Jacques that morning
Wasn’t gold, wasn’t silver or cash
Instead what they gave him that caused him to smile
Was a garden quite empty of vache